It is starting to settle wthin me that I am living in Spain.
Yes, over four weeks later, it´s about time the realization hit.
I find myself being at a strage crossroad. I am in a country with beautiful countryside, detailed architecture, history, delicious food, and ,once welcomed, loving people. I love being able to use the Metro, walk around and explore, and discover this new land I am living in. The food is cheap and delicious, not a bad combination at all. I love the Spanish greeting-two kisses, one on each side of the cheek; when I walk away from the introduction, I feel as though I really met the person rather than just a passive handshake. I love that a historic cite, literally is just around the corner with the use of public transportation. Evenings are enjoyable, filled with elderly couples walking in the park enjoying the warm weather.
However, at the same time I feel so distant from those around me. It is this weird feeling that even though I am treading on the same ground, our worlds are far apart. More and more I realize how different my life looks compared to that which is black and white, because I am redeemed and reflect Light.
It is almost like in the book ¨The Giver.¨Everything seems like a facade. On a surface level it seems perfect, but then deep underneath there is so much more taking place. No one really has a purpose to live, they just fulfill that which comes with their given status. There is one boy, however, that recieves the gift of memory. He begins to feel, see color, and experience new sensations that no one else in his world knows of, expect the one who shared the gift with him. I feel like this so perfectly defines a part of my life right now.
I am in a world that is a false portrayal of paradise. The purpose of living seems futile. It seems like an endless cycle in the attempts of trying to be a good person and live what would seem to be a good life. There is no hope. There is no purpose. There is no color. By Grace, I have recieved the gift of ¨memory.¨Yes, there may be pain felt and a greater cost with this gift, than just living through the motions. But oh how I would much rather live in this Light than continue in such darkness. I pray, I plead that those who are in that world so far from my own, would be able to cross over the divide and come to such Beauty. I pray that they too could come into this Light, and worship.
